Before we start with emotional maturity, let’s find out what maturity means. There are so many definitions of maturity, but what does it mean.
“Maturity is not talking about big things; it’s about understanding the small things.”
Maturity is born of responsibility. If you are irresponsible, then you can’t be mature. People with maturity understand the one truth, and that is, life is complicated.
After accepting this fact about life, thoughtful people also learn how to handle being in a problematic situation instant of running from them. People say that maturity comes with age but it comes with learning experiences at any age.
Mature people know one thing very well; that is, Change is the only constant thing.”
Definition of Emotional Maturity –
Emotional maturity is defined as how well you can respond to situations, control your emotions, and behave in an adult manner when dealing with others. Emotional maturity means, in essence, controlling your feelings rather than allowing your emotions to control you.
Emotional maturity is handling the problem on our own. It about handling the situation without escalating it, instead of blaming someone else for their problem.
Emotionally mature people search for the solution and try to fix the problem. They have acceptance for their actions.
According to Walter D. and Smitson W. S., “Emotional maturity is a process in which the personality is constantly striving for a greater sense of emotional health, both intra-psychically, and intra-personally.”
Emotional maturity is not something that we can give to someone as when they turn to adults. It isn’t something that comes with age.
It is something that must be developed by knowing how to handle the situations maturely and also depends on how we react and respond in any situations.
Emotional maturity is determinant in shaping an individual’s personality, to maintain a healthy relationship with other individuals should enhance their behavior and attitude. Mental health is the key component to improve self-worth and emotional stability.
According to Cole, the most outstanding mark of emotional maturity is the ability to bear tension, and it will enable a person to tolerate the frustration they undergo. Hence it’s considered as an individual’s ability to control emotions himself or herself.
Here is an example of Emotional Maturity.
One of my friends called me and said that they broke up their 8 years of relationship. When I ask him the reason, he told me it was his girlfriend who took this decision due to her family problems. As we all know, losing someone is the hardest thing to deal with it. But my friend cried hard and let go of all the sad emotions and negative feelings out.
The emotionally mature one will always take control of their emotions or feelings rather than make the negative feeling affect. But an emotionally immature person will hide his feelings and keep the pain inside him.
As he is emotionally immature, he will take revenge.
There is a difference between maturity and immaturity. The one who takes control of his or her feeling seeks for acceptance, and moves on without having any grudge is called an emotional maturity.
On the other hand, the one who is ready to take revenge all the time hides his or her feeling this shows the immaturity.
What is the Sign of Emotional Maturity?
Every person has a different level of maturity. It is something that you can work on consistently and improve over time. The following sign of emotional maturity will help you to measure your own level.
1. How Flexible are you?
Every time we allow someone to move us with anger, we teach them to be angry – Barry Neli Kaufman
You should try to be flexible with everyone and in every environment. Try to see each situation uniquely.
Let’s take an example of it. You have two sisters; you love them equally, pamper them alike, but still, you are getting different outputs from each of them. So why this happen? It is happening because you are failing to use your emotional maturity; you should adapt the communication style as per your sisters differently.
2. Taking off Your Own Responsibility.
The relationship is not one person imposing to others; it is about meeting 2 different personalities at the same point. Everyone has a distinct personality that why every relationship is different from others. And if you are emotionally mature enough, then you will adapt according to circumstances.
Experience is not what happens to you –it’s how you interpret what happens to you – Aldous Huxley
It is effortless to get defensive and deny responsibility. Being able to acknowledge our own wrong task is emotional maturity.
Time for another example: You are working in one of the best companies in your city. Your boss gave the task of creating a presentation to your team, and you are the leader of your team. Everything goes very well, but your boss calls you and said that in the presentation there is one big mistake with facts and figures.
What an emotionally immature person will do is move-in rush start shouting at others telling then you didn’t do good research. Start blaming others, and others will blame you as you are the lead, and this action seems to cause you problems.
And if you are emotionally mature, then you will take your responsibility. You will understand the current situation and make the right decision at the right time. When things go wrong, don’t blame others; neither don’t blame yourself.
It is important to remember that accepting responsibility is not the same as taking the blame. Feeling guilty or taking the blame is as same as you made something wrong deliberately.
Admitting the mistake is that you are doing something but things went wrong as a result of the action you took the decision. By making a better decision and taking better actions, you can improve your outcome that you want to achieve
3. Believing in Personal Growth
Meeting to new challenge tomorrow requires learning and development today is important. If you have a desire to learn new things and must have a thirst for knowledge.
Development and learning activities form a crucial part of your schedule. As we all know, emotional maturity is the ability to continue adapting the new things that demand around you.
Emotional maturity starts with your relationship with yourself. Keep one thing in mind is if you want something or somebody is to change, then you need to start changing yourself first.
In some cases, you may need to change your point of view, your words, or maybe your actions. But when you change something about yourself, the people around you will be influenced and changed in response.
When you start looking at it objectively then only you can identify where you need to grow or to need to develop your skills, attitude, and knowledge. Next time whenever you face any kind of difficulty then ask yourself
“What I can learn from this and how I can grow?”
4. A Chill and Cool Demeanor
You can’t be clam all the time because the majority of the time it’s very difficult to be calm and serene.
When I was in my teenage, I used to be a short temper. I used to shout all the time for small things, not only shout but demand the items, and if my demand didn’t get fulfilled, then I got angry. I was so aggressive like I am going to kill someone. Due to this kind of behavior, people started disrespecting me, as I force people to do as I want. It was a great feeling for me as I am getting what I want, but soon I realize that due to my temper, I’m destroying all my relationships.
“Anger is a communication skill that is easier to learn but difficult to unlearn it.”
After working on myself trying to be calm and relaxed, I had made significant relationships.
Now people do a lot more for me compare to that when I used to be so aggressive. When you are clam and act with emotional maturity, you don’t overreact in any situation because you try to understand the problems of others.
Begin politely, and the clam will help you to deal with the issue before it escalates, which is more relaxed and less stressful for everyone.
Emotional maturity doesn’t evolve overnight; you need to take efforts, patience, and practices. It allows you to take charge of your life.
Once you have emotional maturity, you have your vision for your life and your way for your success. By realizing your own way to the goal, you can create a happy and healthy life where you respect yourself and others as well.
Once you developed emotional maturity, your life will become a joy rather than chores. Don’t expect that you will be perfect in all the above areas, this is not impossible, but these will take some time.
But improving yourself in each area will help you to developed emotional maturity, and soon you will be living happier and full of life.